


Forget-Me-Not

by LittleTooStranger



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Almost-Engaged, Feels, Gen, M/M, Mentions of the other Avengers - Freeform, My cries, Sort-of Fix-it, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:36:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTooStranger/pseuds/LittleTooStranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.<br/>Wanted to grow old with Phil.</p>
<p>But Phil is gone, and Clint... well, he supposes he's gone too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget-Me-Not

**Author's Note:**

> [EDIT: I've added the deleted paragraphs from the first upload, but I have a feeling some of my HTML italics aren't working. If someone could let me know if the last word of the fic 'home' is in italics, that would be great. If not, I'm going to have to go find someone to fix it for me...]

Clint can't function. Doesn't eat, except when Natasha drags him out of his nest, sleeps constantly and not at all at the same time, stuck in this small void that he's built himself, and most of all doesn't think.

Because Phil, _his Phil _is gone.__

__Clint thinks (in the rare times that he does) that if he isn't already mad, he would be if he had to remember Phil._ _

__He avoids the team, even Nat, who's slowly giving up on him - he can tell. Steve used to come over - Clint thinks that it was out of respect to Phil - but he stopped soon enough, this silence more deafening than even the ice. Banner never came at all, and Stark brought him booze once, but he doesn't remember much from that even, and Natasha had expressly forbidden the engineer since then._ _

__Clint thinks that he'd probably try and drown himself in ridiculously expensive alcohol if Natasha hadn't ruined that. Spoil sport._ _

__But now he's standing in front of Phillip Coulson's gravestone, knows _home _is buried ten feet under, knows that he can never go back.___ _

____Knows that he is alone._ _ _ _

____It’s snowing, and isn’t it ironic, the little marble maker frosted over and cold when he touches it. He didn’t bother with a parker, it didn’t really matter to him anymore, because Phil isn’t there to drag him back into the loft and tell him he’d catch his death._ _ _ _

____He places the forget-me-not's he picked on his way here carefully at the base of the headstone. Phil would like them, would think they were cute and kiss him on the cheek for being a romantic._ _ _ _

_____God, Phil. ____ _ _ _

______"Stop it Barton, damn it!" Clint pulls at his hair (its longer now, Phil wouldn't like it) until his eyes sting from the pinpricks of pain and not his chest constricting around emotions and words he never got to say._ _ _ _ _ _

______He waits until he's in control again before pulling a small velvet box from his pocket. "I was going to wait until I got back from Science-ville to give you this," he says, he's aiming for his usual cocky-and-self-assured, and it's _so _familiar, yet so broken - and he can't, he can't - tears slipping over his eyelashes and crashing into the flowers. "I wanted to marry you P-phil."___ _ _ _ _ _

________He sinks to his knees then, because not even a superhero could hold this much grief and rage and hate, and rests his forehead against the cold marble, hands clutching the little jewellery box._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He sobs until he's spent, his eyes stinging and hands stiff, and he moves them - he has to - to trace Phil's name and open the little box. A soft gold ring inlayed with tiny purple stones lay on the plush velvet, and Clint knows he bought it so that Phil always had a little bit of Hawkeye with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But he hadn't had Hawkeye at all when Loki stabbed him, so Clint thought the gesture was rather useless now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Anyway, I thought you should have this," he says, setting the now closed box before the gravestone before shifting to sit, leaning against the grave marker to get some rest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________(He didn’t even notice when the cold became too much and the world slid away.)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When he woke up he was cold, so cold, and Phil was there, so it didn't matter that he was probably dead or hallucinating._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hey you," and _god _that was so Phil, and Clint smiled for the first time in what felt like forever.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Am I dead yet sir?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Yes, I'm afraid so," and didn't Phil look somber, and Clint found that he didn't like that in death just as much as he didn't like it alive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"What now?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Well I guess we'll have to find out," and that was warm, and Clint figured that he didn't mind being dead if it meant he could stay with Phil._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And he had to say it now, more than anything, so he half blurted - half sobbed, "I love you," before he was pulled into Phil's chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Love you too, idiot."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He was _home _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry...
> 
> Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know what you thought of it (First Fic WOO~), and thanks for reading!~
> 
>  
> 
> (Comments are the Bow to my Arrow).


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